Man turns loss of two brothers into chance to 'half a sorrow'

Dennis Gillan travels around the world speaking to thousands about suicide prevention.

He’s spoken to numerous businesses and military and school groups, and he’s recently co-authored a children’s book titled “Nice Shoes!: A Little Compliment Can Go a Long Way” about how a compliment cheered up a little boy’s otherwise terrible day — inspired by a true story about how a similar compliment stopped a man from committing suicide.

His mantra for his organization, Half a Sorrow, comes from a Swedish proverb, “A shared joy is a double joy; a shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”

World turned upside down

Gillan’s work as a suicide-prevention advocate came from a pair of circumstances that turned he and his family upside down.

In 1983, while attending West Virginia University, he got news that his brother Mark was dead from suicide after a long battle with depression. In 1994, his family was rocked again by news that Gillan’s youngest brother, Matt, had taken his own life.

For years, Gillan and his family tried to forget. After he lost his brother Mark, Gillan dealt with the pain by drinking and partying, but tried to move on with his life.

“If we had taken proper care after Mark died, we wouldn’t have lost Matt,” he said. “Suicide comes with a set of baggage.”

After Matt’s suicide was the last time Gillan got drunk. At the time, he and his then-wife were trying to get pregnant. He said he made a deal with God: If they got pregnant, he wouldn’t drink again. A month later, they were pregnant with their first son, and Gillan kept his word.

A promise to God

Even still, it took him several years to come to grips with what happened to his brothers. One Sunday at church, he heard a representative from the Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the message resonated. A couple of months later, Gillan decided he was at a point in his life where he wanted to do something.

Working with the Suicide Prevention Lifeline program would allow him to volunteer in the evening after his children had gone to bed, and none of his neighbors had to know he was doing anything.

In 2010, he was asked to speak at a fundraiser, and he barely was able to get through it.

“Someone told me, ‘You need to tell that story more often,’ ” Gillan said. But he didn’t want to talk about it.

He was invited to speak at a local college. Then another. At at speech at Charleston Southern, Gillan says he was on a roll. He had an hour to speak, and not one kid was on the phone.

Meanwhile, his marriage was crumbling and his business life was in a similar shape. The only thing that looked up was his advocacy. By 2015-2016, Gillan decided to make his advocacy his full-time job.

Newest projects

These days, he’s since remarried and continues speaking engagements. He’s also developed — along with the children’s book — tips to encourage people and keep them safe from suicide.

One example is the Camo Hat Club, a play on the Red Hat Society, that gets men together for breakfast — wearing camo hats, of course — to talk about their mental health.

He’s also started the Purple File program, which uses a purple file folder stuffed full of compliments, good feedback and thank-you notes to encourage others when they’re down.

“It’s some of the most rewarding work I’ve ever done in my life,” he said.