When ya gotta go …
At 4:40 p.m. on March 4, Kenneth Clark Carlyle, 64, walked up his neighbor’s driveway in his birthday suit and relieved himself on the neighbor’s glass patio table, The Smoking Gun reported. The whole thing was caught on not one, but two “separate angles of the victim’s home security video footage,” the police report noted. Clearwater, Florida, officers arrived at Carlyle’s RV camper, where they spoke to him “through the door … and he was still visibly naked and highly uncooperative.” The bond on this incident is $250, but he was already in trouble from a December infraction, so he remains in the pokey.
Slippery situation
Three Michigan men ice fishing in a homemade shanty on Saginaw Bay on March 6 went for the ride of their lives when 50 mph winds pushed their structure about a mile across the ice, the Associated Press reported. The men had spent the night before in the shanty and were aware that a storm was approaching, but thought they could ride it out. The hut eventually ended up about 1.5 miles offshore before deputies arrived; the men were able to return to shore without rescue equipment and were unharmed.
Ewwwww
U.S. Customs and Border Protections agents probably rarely have a boring day, but between Feb. 19 and 25, officers in Philadelphia came across some particularly skin-crawly cargo: about 300 leeches from Bulgaria, NBC New York reported. The medicinal leeches, which arrived in jars distributed among six separate air cargo shipments, were headed for Connecticut, Florida and Illinois, but they’ll never make it: That type of leech, the Hirudo medicinalis, is a protected species and can’t be traded internationally. Instead, they were turned over to federal wildlife agents.
Girls just wanna have fun
Dot Grant, 52, attended the musical “Bat Out of Hell” with her family at the Edinburgh Playhouse in Scotland in February, Edinburgh Live reported. It was a real treat, as it was her first theater visit since the pandemic began two years earlier. But as Dot tapped her thigh and sang along quietly under her mask, one of the ushers “flashed their torch” at her before the intermission. Dot couldn’t figure out why: “I did not think I was doing anything wrong.” As the performance continued in the second half, a security worker motioned for Dot to come to the aisle, and she was removed from the theater and told she was “at a musical theater show, not a concert.” “I was surrounded by eight men, which made me feel very uncomfortable and uneasy,” Dot said. “People had been complaining about my actions of singing and dancing in my seat, that it was a distraction and off-putting for the cast. I waved my hands a few times, but I didn’t think that was wrong.” The theater said that audience participation “had never been encouraged.”
Sneaky ssssssnaaaakes
U.S. border agents at the San Ysidro crossing in California stopped a 30-year-old man driving a truck on Feb. 25 as he attempted to cross from Mexico, the Associated Press reported March 8. Agents found 52 live reptiles tied up in small bags — not so weird, except they were “concealed in the man’s jacket, pants pockets, and groin area,” CBP said in a statement. Nine snakes and 43 horned lizards were seized. Some species were endangered. The driver was a U.S. citizen.
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BY THE EDITORS AT ANDREWS MCMEEL. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate
